It's that time of year once more, and for myself and immediate family, it will be a time of sad reflection.
It was only 2 months ago that bad news came calling, totally unforseen, and throwing my family into a state of shock and deep sorrow. It's only today I feel I'm in a place where I'm comfortable enough to write about it, and be that Christmas is upon us, chose now, to share.
The act of suicide is a tragic end to someone's life with devastating effects on those they've left behind. Those closest to the person are left with heartache and many questions....questions that only add to the grief. Why?What drives someone to the point they no longer feel they want to be here? Too often, it's because that individual was living with depression, an illness which can lead the individual down some very dark roads and ultimately bring about even darker thoughts. Sadly, this illness had been tormenting my sweet niece for many years and though I didn't completely understand Depression, I soon learned of it's consequences.
Her name was Tammy, and though we weren't blood-related we were family, through marriage, friends, by choice. Our friendship had grown stronger over the last couple of years and much of this because we shared a common thread, both mothers to an estranged child, both wanting a resolution to the heartache. For me, time had clocked up more than twenty years of separation from my daughter and whilst it's been an ongoing cruel battle for me, could now see dear Tammy experiencing much the same after her youngest boy decided to run away from home.This was bound to have had a detrimental effect on her current state of mind and it did! We would spend hours via phone calls, both desperate to locate his whereabouts; finding him, but then learning he'd been staying with a woman who had in fact been grooming him all the while! The search was now focused on chasing up legal support for Tam, and this in itself another battle!
12 months on, we were still no closer to bringing her boy home and he was now at the age where Tammy had even less parental power, so the situation now dire and so too her mental health!
My partner and I did all that we physically/emotionally could do to help, helping her relocate to a new address whilst NDIS stepped in to provide her with some ongoing support, and for a little while it looked like there was some light on her horizon! Christmas had arrived and for the first time in her life, Tammy bought herself a Christmas tree, enlisting the help of her eldest son and girlfriend in the decorating, then sharing the finished project with me! I was so happy for her and felt confident things were on the up and up and even made plans for another trip back up to spend time with her!
But sadly, it was all short-lived and unbeknownst to me, all the while those dam dark thoughts had already taken full control. Our darling Tammy had finally succumbed to them and for her, suicide was her only way out.
With only days leading up to her 55th birthday, we bid Tammy a heartfelt farewell on the 4th October, 2024.
So this Christmas, I decided to dedicate to her memory, as that is all we have left to hold onto now. Tammy's struggles with depression took her from us but now her spirit runs free.
Merry 'heavenly' Christmas dear girl❤️
30/10/1969 - 30/09/2024
